A preacher dies, and when he gets to Heaven, he sees a New York cab driver who has a higher place.
He says to Saint Peter, "I don't get it. I devoted my whole life to my congregation."
Saint Peter says, "We reward results. Did your congregation always pay attention when you gave a sermon?"
A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.
"Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!"
"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back.
"You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."
“ I want you to help me stop my son gambling. ” an anxious father said to his boy's principal. “ I don't know where he gets it from, but it's bet, bet, bet. ”
“ Leave it to me, ” said the principal.
A week later he phoned the boy's father. “ I think I've cured him,” he said.
...
